The worst part about losing you is how my heart is now annihilated and I have no one who understands what I am feeling. You were a part of me. You were my person and now I feel so alone. No matter the circumstances, you were always there to talk if I needed you.
I am going back and forth between hating you and missing you. I know I need to obliterate your existence in my mind in order to function normally again..
This is the hardest part of losing someone–trying to not forgive them for all they have done.
If you are one who has never reached the point of insanity where you begin to perceive things in the opposite way that they are actually occurring, and has not yet had to accept the reality of how your repetitive decisions only hurt you, I applaud you.
Knowingly craving something that only puts you down and changes who you are destroys you. Putting their needs first and altering your perspective of their actions so that you see everything they do to be good still does not make them stay. Instead, ones negative aura and all of the harmful qualities they obtain only make them more attractive to the weak hearted and selfless.
They become your project. You begin to look for ways to fix them, regardless of how far gone they are from being the person you need. Envisioning them as the one you want them to be and trying to morph them into that figure becomes self satisfying.
Lack of attachment is no longer an option. When you chose them, you chose them as something that would be a part of you. You want them to reflect you, and your mindset. You realize that you have fallen into the repetitional habit of taking the blame for all of their mistakes and flaws.
It can not stop there.
It actually becomes your fault that they are who they are, and now you stick around to fix the mess you believe you have made.
It only breaks your heart to find out that they are not you..
They do not think the same way as you, do not see the beauties of your inner self. Who they truly are is not what makes you happy anymore, but the image you have created in your mind of the person you want them to be.
They can never change to fill the missing spots of your heart and life. They do not know or understand your reasoning behind all of the thoughtful things you do.
They never come to understand how you can possibly keep loving them and wanting them.
It only makes you look crazy, and become mad, but they are your addiction. And you don’t give up your addiction that easily.
So you keep loving them, because love never fails.