As one would awake from a deep sleep–dazed and confused, my mind tends to wander with no apparent destination like one who has been revived. It wanders in search of affirmation and explanation as to why I am misunderstood. The metamorphosis that has taken place in my life goes unnoticed. With all that is heavy on my mind and heart, I am still able to keep my mind in the right place. It seems as if my efforts have been nullified, rendered useless. How can one who should be closest to you be the furthest away when it comes to psychological connections? They are not able to see the underlying intentions in your actions. They do not see how you have grown.
Tell me tempting lies and make deceptiveness look appealing.
Allow your inglorious lifestyle to embark you on a journey of shame.
Break me down and then instill skittish tendencies.
Mourn for all you have done and succumb to the remorse you should feel.
But after you are done breaking me down, reconstruct me.
With a vain attempt, try to love.
Then let me remember your worst so I will stop craving your best.
Evoke the memories that made me savvy to your destructive actions.
Jog my memory as to why I withdrew from you.
Wither away in your own sorrow and self pity.
Be conscious of the state of desolation you cause one to render to.
Accept that you have amounted to nothing and wrecked those closest to you.
Emboss and embroider me with your egotistical tendencies.
Taste my abundance of love that envelops your flesh and allow it to clog your mind.
Choke on this intuition and lament for all you have done.
I am no longer in your grasp for you to claim that you love me.
I no longer have to conform to your behavior and destructive mannerisms.
I am no longer a possession of yours to be used then tossed out.
Your hysterical mind has always tried to dominate situations.
Control is all you know.
Our love consisted of me being at fault for your actions.
I am a victim of you.
Your way of loving reconciled the fate of destruction.
Now you fake your life.
I live around you and all you do.
Everything I do even now, is because of you.
When I am not able to be myself, it is because of you.
The measures I now have to strive to take just to avoid you are draining me of my happiness.
But you are still living.
The damage you have caused does not affect you.
You are not cognizant of how you treat others.
When you told me my soul was pure, that meant nothing.
How can you ever speak of my kind heart then take it from me?
The pureness once instilled has been obliterated by your destructiveness.
I allowed you to be my all and you took that away from me.
Now you only live a lie.
You live to fool others while satisfying yourself.
You live to hurt because that is all you know.
Your heart is not pure so you draw all of the genuine qualities and strength from others.
You feed off of our love for you.
Learn to satisfy yourself in ways that better you.
Taking from others only causes you to hurt eventually.
I wish that you feel pain in ways worse than you have ever brought upon me or anyone else.
I hope you are never lucky enough to receive love from a pure forgiving heart.
Hate is a feeling derived from within ones mind.
No one is born knowing hate.
Hate can be overcome–it was not here from the beginning.
No emotion is instilled in us but love.
From the beginning, we are loved and taught to love in ways that may be direct or indirect.
Even when you tell yourself you are done loving someone, that feeling is still there.
You wake up in the morning and feel empty without them.
Their presence is what completed you and made you able to love.
Seeing them makes you want to keep loving them.
It makes you want to melt and allow all of the strength you built in order to block them out of your life to dissipate.
You begin to wonder how they cannot still love you as you do them.
It was a two sided commitment that you are now trying to fight against.
Love should not be selfish.
Hate is selfish and controlling.
Seeing you and immediately feeling comfort and pain simultaneously is not love.
Whatever it was that you showed me and allowed me to feel was not love.
Love is not possessive.
It does not shame and punish.
The love I used to receive from you turned into dependency.
Even if I ever wanted to leave, I was not allowed.
You drove me to be dependent on you.
You masked your true self and allowed me to deal with your inner brute.
Then, you wake up one day and realize you are not missing them, but the memories they provided you.
The ways in which they caused you to suffer dominate the ways they brought you happiness.
You wake up and realize you do not miss them.
You are happy without them.
They did not complete you in any way.
Any time you begin to think of them, you hope they have noticed how much stronger you are without them.
They are nothing without you to hold them up.
I reminisce on all of my poor decisions and wonder why I did not fall in love with myself long ago.
No man has ever been able to fill the void within me.
Only I am able to consult my inner demons and mold my insecurities into self-love that radiates to those around me.
I strive to be confident in myself–so no one will be able to knock me off the pedestal I build.
I do not ever want to feel as if I need someone to be happy. I will no longer depend on anyone.
There are so many opportunities in life that should not be missed out on due to dependency on a weak man.
Society is so fixated around ones appearance. Feeling as if you have to look your best and conform to others around you is something I believe many people struggle with.
For me, the way I feel about myself comes from the energy of those surrounding me. I had a not so good time this past year with how I felt about myself. A lot of personal issues arose that should have been addressed long ago, but got pushed aside.
The hardest part about working on yourself is knowing where to begin. Trusting that people actually mean what they say and are not out to get you is something that takes a long time to register. Recognizing that someone is genuine and not lying to you can be hard when all you have faced in the past was disappointment after disappointment.
Loving yourself is hard when you do not recognize all that you have to offer to the world. The way you have been stereotyped and perceived affects your daily life. Breaking out of your shell can be more difficult than it seems.
Loving yourself is the first step. Knowing your worth and realizing all of the good that you do, breaking down all of your beneficial qualities are some of the first steps to seeing yourself for who you are.
The media tries to portray an image of perfect that no individual can achieve. Perfection does not come from what you wear or how well you dress. It comes from how well you love others and what you are willing to do for them. Love yourself so you can love others.