Reasons Found on Why to Not Order Ikea Furniture  


The Table


find someone who sends you damaged products for two times the price.

they will all arrive scuffed and scraped like Harry Potter’s forehead.

the prices will be batshit crazy, but you need new furniture,

so you will buy it


The Crib


at the beginning you will love it,

the thin panels and big gaps on each side

your newborn will wake itself up just from rolling around

other times when they are 24 months,

they will think it’s funny to kick the wood with their feet and pound on it with a bottle


The Dresser


great if you’re a child,

too small for adult use

should have checked the measurements

says “IKEA” but was made by a subcontractor from Brazil

not too shabby,

does what is expected


The Bed Frame


This is Fjellse, IKEA’s budget bed,

easy to set up and cheap

okay if you only sleep alone,

but having sex is a no no

slats fall through,

center beam twists,

not talking crazy tantric karma sutra positions

vanilla missionary will spell the end for this frame


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